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poetictragedy18
"Words can stab you like 1,000 knives, but the ink that writes them down can kill."
 
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just a little note...

HAPPY 4TH OF JULY EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I HOPE IT'S A GOOD ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*~*JENNIFER*~*

3 glittering wax butterflies - white it out
 
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taken from my friend Rachel's AIM profile...

Find a guy that calls you beautiful instead of hott,

who calls you back when you hang up on him,

wait for the boy who kisses your forehead,

who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats,

who holds your hand in front of his friends,

who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup.

One who is constantly reminding you how much he cares and how lucky he is to have you...

the one who turns to his friends and says "yeah...thats her."

I found him and i'm never gonna let him go!!!!

<3 Dustin <3

He means everything and more to me!!!!

"The wish will come true"

(don't ask what that means because only he knows)

2 glittering wax butterflies - white it out
 
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a little bit of anger goes a long way...
I don't want to be angry and i have a feeling that it isn't worth it to most people, but it is definetly worth it to me. See i'm a little angry with my friend. She always pushes me into this position. Usually i tell people and let them know when i am mad, but with her i can't because it always gets turned into something that it doens't need to be. In fact i know upon stumbling across this that she will be angry, but this is just bothering me. I feel i can get everything out right here through my writing and that is what i am going to do. See that's just it though...in here are my thoughts and feelings no one elses. You stole my thoughts from me. You ripped a piece of me out. How could you take my feelings, my words and try and pass them off as your own? I know i shouldn't make this into something that it doesn't need to be, but you've stolen something important to me. This is stuff that i've created, something that i've made real...let me ask you...where do you come in? When did you help me pull these thoughts from my head and make them something real? YOU DIDN'T!!!! You really hurt me...brought me down. You may not be able to see it, but that's because i'm not letting you. Why bother writing again? Why should i take my thoughts, feelings, dreams, my creative part of me and put it in here so that you could just take it from me? Rip it out from underneath me like a doormat under my feet. This brings my writing to a hault because i don't know if i should share myself with anyone anymore. You have your own thoughts and feelings, your own dreams...DON'T LIVE THROUGH MINE!!!! GET YOUR OWN!!!!
12 glittering wax butterflies - white it out
 
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the passerbys...
Awkward, yes! I haven't figured out quite why i can't look at these people in the halls? I mean they are the past. They have no part in my future, but why do i look away? Although, they can't look either or they are to wrapped up to. One looks at the floor while the other frantically searches around to find something else to lay their eyes on while passing me in the halls. Old memories that i wish i could throw in a box and bury in the back yard. I want to douse them in flames. Old friendships, wow...i have a hard time looking at those people too. They've changed so much, or is it just me that's changed? Common question that i have asked myself many times. Should i even have to ask myself a question such as that? I mean i know the answer. I've changed and yes i know this, but they are gone to a new world too. This is why people drift apart, friendships fall to nothing. These will never be recovered again. Buried under years of dirt...fossilized with the dinosaurs. Years go by of leaving these memories behind...years of dirt piled on those ancient bones. The chapters of the book will continue to grow longer. New ones will begin as old ones come to and end and yet every single one keeps us going as time ticks by.
4 glittering wax butterflies - white it out
 
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the end of a chapter, the start of another...
This feeling inside i'm sure a lot of others can feel or have felt. It is an ordinary type...nothing special, but at the same time full of meaning and wonder. The end of the year is approaching fast and i don't know where i'm going. People i know or have gotten to know have already left me to persue themselves in college. I know this day comes once every year, but every time it does i have a new thought or feeling to add to it. Can it be possible that i'm getting sick of the feeling? I hate leaving people that i'm never going to see again or hate the fact of just leaving some people that i know i won't see during the long although fun summer months. The signatures that i make gets a little emotional for me to handle. Everything i write in those books ends up being some kind of novel and i hope that means something to the person i wrote it to. I want meaning to come to that person. The last day is really gonna be something because i don't know what i'm gonna do. Tears will flow down my face as i walk through those doors and onto the yellow bus that has driven me since i was 5. I'll try to hold in the thougths till i get home, but i don't know if i can. Well, on the other hand of this i can't believe school is over already...i'm glad it is. I really don't think i could go on much longer. It's hard to believe that the seniors are all gone and the juniors that i know so well, will fill their places in the oncoming year. Although, it is also hard to picture myslef as a junior or the frosh as new sophmores. Next year is all a new year and i can't wait for the memories to begin.
4 glittering wax butterflies - white it out
 
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the feelings i feel are spilling on the page...
Whenever you're away it brings sadness to my eyes. When you're next to me chills run up and down my spine. Not scary mask chills or shivering caught in the rain ones, but knowing you're there and making me feel like i'm something special sort of chills. Your kiss on my cheek is a butterfly whisping its wings softly against my face. Our hands lace together fitting perfectly like those winter gloves you've been searching for, for what seems like forever. The feeling i get in my stomach when your car pulls up and you great me with a hug feels like nothing i've ever felt before. Knowing i'm with you is what gets me through every day. Then when i see you i never want that moment to end. You bring joy to my heart when i hear your voice and happiness and excitement to my eyes when i see your face. Right beside me i want you to be and in my heart i want you to stay.
10 glittering wax butterflies - white it out
 
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the bug has been caught...
I've never noticed such things as how many stars are in the sky. I try and count as i walk around with my bare feet brushing the grass. I never wear shoes in the spring or summer. I almost feel trapt when i have them on so i forget them inside, shoved in the closet or under the bed. The cool breeze rushes against my face and i shiver, but do not return to the house. I watch the cars drive by and the leaves begin to grow on the trees. I never noticed all of this before. Never just sat here to think. One thing clouds my mind, not rain clouds, but beautiful vibrant ones. The kind you see when the sun is setting. Colors flowing in every direction like a childrens watercolor painting. The thoughts are buliding up and they cause me to smile. A grin that reaches from one ear to the other. Your car pulls up and my thoughts become more then things inside my head. They become real things. Everything bundled up inside those clouds screams your name and the minute you are by my side i feel full and alive. The bug has got me and i hope that is stays alive and lives on forever.
6 glittering wax butterflies - white it out
 
MindSay Quick Update /
I am feeling too happy for words!!!!!!!
 
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things that are just slipping out...

For this entire entry i am just gonna rant about some stuff:

**Thank you to everyone who takes the time to read it...i just really needed to get it all out...so thanx.**

Stephanie...you know what i have realized...you are a backstabbing bitch. I'm sorry to be so blunt, but you know what it's the truth. You say that we are such good friends, but yet you talk shit about me behind my back constantly. Friends just aren't supposed to do that. And i always find out everything that you say about it because you always tell it to people that are friends with me. Good one. Think for once in your life because some of the things that you say are really hurtfull.

School is fucking stupid. I mean we go to school for about 8 hours a day and then end up coming home with about 2 to 3 hours worth of homework. I don't understand this concept. I mean yeah sure homework might help us learn or what-ever, but we get enough of that in school and don't need to deal with that kind of shit at home. Plus homework is what always brings my grades down. I do it, but somehow it always seems to.

Ex boyfriends piss me off too. They never can just let it go that you aren't going out with them anymore. Yes i mean Allen. He keeps fuckin' calling me a bitch, fat, whore, and any other name under the sun. I mean he did this when we were dating too, but i mean it has gotten to the point of rediculous now. He better watch what he says about me or to me because i have some people who aren't very happy with him at the moment and really want to kick his ass. They're really close to it. So i suggest he watches what comes out of his fuckin' mouth.

My sister makes me so mad sometimes. She thinks that she owns the house and is better then everyone. Just because she is in fuckin' 7th grade. The girls she hangs out with have turned her into a little wannabee whore. You should see the skanky ass clothes that she wears around the house not to mention school.

I'm supposed to be in stupid ass detention right now, but i chose not to go. This is like my 5th time skipping it and i might get an ISS soon. That would suck because those are really boring.

This girl in my geometry class is really annoying. She just sits there and laughs the entire class because she is fuckin' high all the time. It is impossible to concentrate and i have ADD so it makes it even harder.

Another one of my ex's Sean and his friend Brooks really pissed me off today because they just say the wrong things. They don't think before they say, which is pretty much half of the people in our school.

Well, that's about all for now. Nothing else really pissed me off today. BUH.

15 glittering wax butterflies - white it out
 
MindSay Quick Update /
I am feeling happier then i have ever been in my entire life
 
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